Today was fairly busy, at least by my standards. I actually got in my car and drove somewhere, so…you know…right off the bat, we’re talkin’ extreme levels of productivity.

I went to the local pawn shop and sold a shotgun and an air rifle for $163. Despite all the imagined scenarios of hunting small animals for food or surviving a zombie apocolypse, the fact of the matter is those guns have done nothing but take up closet space and make roommates nervous. I can still imagine the survival scenarios…only now I’m throwin’ rocks and hitting things with a stick.

After that, I went to the gas station and cashed in 2 scratch-off lottery tickets I’ve had sitting on my desk for like a year. I put the $30 toward a tank of gas and a case of bottled water. My change was $1.

Then I went to Lowe’s and returned a heat gun I never used, then to the car place to ask why my Check Engine light is on (answer: gas cap wasn’t capping gas).

Finally I started to head home. While waiting at a stoplight, I noticed a homeless woman walking along with a sign that read “Please help. God Bless.” and I would have given her some money, but I wasn’t in the appropriate lane. And my driver-side window doesn’t roll down, so I would have had to get out, run across the inside traffic lane, and hand her the cash. I didn’t know when the light was going to turn green, so instead I imagined what it would be like to get out, run across the inside traffic lane, and hand her the cash. Turns out there was plenty of time, because I imagined the full sequence like 6 times.

The light eventually turned green and I drove away, mildly disappointed in myself for letting that hypothetical green light situation get the best of me. But it wasn’t too late. I could totally redeem myself!

I drove down to the next underpass, turned around, drove back to the previous underpass, turned around, and this time I chose the inside lane. I opened my door and handed the woman $4 (leaving me with an even $160) and one of my bottled waters. Why the bottled water? Well, first of all, because it makes me feel just a tiny bit more thoughtful than if it were just money. Maybe I’m deluding myself, but I feel like the water added a touch of class to the exchange. Like I was saying “hey, humans need water and you’re a human and I’m a human and we’re both just humans so let’s share this water.”

Second of all, the less money she has to spend on essentials like water, the more money she’ll have for drugs and alcohol.

*awkward silence*